I Found a Crisis Center but Got Scared to Go – One Woman’s Path from Fear to Safety

I Found a Crisis Center but Got Scared to Go (Her Story)

She stood on the sidewalk, staring at the dull brick building that housed the crisis center. Inside those walls, other women had found help – she knew that. But her feet felt like they were stuck in cement. Her heart pounded “what if someone sees me walk in?” and “maybe it’s not that bad at home”. Ten minutes passed. A passerby smiled kindly, maybe guessing why she was there. Shame and fear swirled in her chest. In the end, she turned away and went home to the very place that scared her. That night, she lay in bed wondering silently to herself, “Why can’t I just walk through that door? What’s wrong with me?” – a question so many women in her situation ask themselves.

Why Does Getting Help Feel So Scary?

If you’ve felt afraid, ashamed, or full of self-doubt when trying to seek help, you are not alone. Fear and hesitation in these moments are normal trauma responses. In an abusive or toxic relationship, your mind often goes into survival mode – fight or flight might not even feel like options, because you fear making things worse. Many women instead experience a freeze response, feeling paralyzed or numb when facing a choice like reaching out for help. Others cope by “fawning” – trying to appease their partner to avoid conflict. These reactions are your brain’s way of protecting you from perceived danger, and they can sap your confidence in taking action.

Shame and doubt also creep in. You might think, “Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe it’s not that bad compared to others.” Abusers often gaslight their partners into believing the abuse is all in their head. It’s common to question yourself or minimize what’s happening – especially if there are no physical bruises. You might also worry, “What if it’s worse there than at home?” when considering going to a shelter or crisis center. The unknown can feel terrifying: Will they judge me? Will I lose what little I have left? These concerns do not mean you’re weak – they mean you’ve been hurt and your mind is trying to keep you safe in the only way it knows how.

Signs of Psychological Abuse & Manipulation

One way to answer the nagging question “Is it really that bad?” is to look at the common signs of psychological abuse. Toxic relationships often follow predictable patterns. Here are a few red flags that what you’re experiencing is abuse – even if there are no physical marks:

• Constant criticism and put-downs: Your partner frequently humiliates you, calls you names, or makes mean “jokes” at your expense. Nothing you do is ever right in their eyes.

• Ignoring your boundaries/privacy: They invade your personal space – for example, checking your phone or reading your messages without permission. They may push the relationship faster than you’re comfortable, or pressure you into things you’re not ready for.

• Jealousy and controlling behavior: They monitor your actions, demand to know where you are, who you’re talking to, and get angry if you spend time away from them. They might isolate you from friends or family so you feel you have nowhere else to go.

• Manipulation and gaslighting: They use guilt trips, the silent treatment, or ultimatums to control you. They deny things you know are true, making you doubt your own memory or sanity. You often feel confused, like you’re “walking on eggshells” around them.

• Dismissing your feelings: When you try to express hurt or needs, they say you’re “too sensitive” or “crazy,” blaming you for the problems. They never take responsibility – if something goes wrong, somehow it’s always your fault.

• Threats and intimidation: Even without physical violence, they may threaten to hurt you, themselves, or your loved ones if you don’t comply. They might smash objects, yell in your face, or use menacing body language to keep you in line.

• You feel trapped and small: Perhaps the biggest sign is your gut feeling. You feel anxious or afraid when they’re around. You’ve started doubting your worth, changing your behavior to avoid “triggering” them. If you feel like you’re losing yourself or walking on eggshells every day, it’s a serious sign something is wrong – no matter what excuses you tell yourself.

If several of these hit home, trust that feeling. Psychological abuse is real and harmful. Recognizing the signs is the first step toward reclaiming control.

Focused Plan: Safe Steps Toward Change

Feeling frozen can be overwhelming – so let’s break this down. You don’t have to storm into a crisis center tomorrow if you’re not ready. Instead, focus on small, safe steps. Below is a checklist of things you can do immediately (today), and some to work on in the near future, to slowly build your safety and confidence. Each step is your choice. Go at your own pace and use tools that feel comfortable for you.

Steps You Can Take Today

• Document what’s happening (safely): Start a private journal of incidents or feelings. Sometimes writing it down (or recording audio) helps you see patterns and validate that you’re not “crazy.” The WomanAid Safety app includes a passcode-protected Safety Journal for this purpose. You can discreetly record a short voice note describing an incident or your emotions while it’s fresh. These entries are for your eyes only – the app stores them securely and will not share them with anyone unless you choose to. Even one small entry today – like “He screamed at me for asking a simple question, and now I feel numb” – is a brave start. It’s evidence for you, to remind yourself that your pain is real.

• Add a Trusted Contact: Think of one person you trust – maybe a friend, sister, or coworker – who you could reach out to in an emergency. You don’t even have to tell them everything right now. In the app, you can add them as a Trusted Contact for an extra layer of safety. This means if you ever hit the SOS button, they will get an alert with your location and a guided plan to help. They won’t see your private Journal or any day-to-day details – only if you trigger an emergency. Adding at least one Trusted Contact greatly increases the chances you’ll get quick help when you need it. (And you can add multiple contacts – the app actually recommends having more than one for better coverage.) If you’re not ready to involve someone you know, consider using a trusted person at a domestic violence hotline as a contact. Knowing someone will literally get an SOS if things go south can ease that feeling of being trapped alone.

• Set up a “Safe” scenario at home: One of the scariest parts of reaching out is the fear of your partner finding out. The WomanAid Safety app tries to solve this through a special “Healthy Relationship” safety scenario for Home. This is a pre-configured mode specifically for dealing with an abusive partner or toxic relationship at home. It runs in silent mode – meaning if you activate an SOS under this scenario, there will be no loud alarms. Instead, the app will quietly record audio evidence and alert your Trusted Contacts without tipping off the abuser. Take a moment today to activate or check this scenario in the app (it might also be called “Safe Relationship” in some versions). You can find it under the Home geozone settings. Customize it to your comfort – for example, decide which Trusted Contacts get alerted, and whether you want the option to call emergency services as well. The key is that this scenario is discreet and user-controlled – you decide when to trigger it, and it’s designed not to escalate the situation in front of your partner. Simply knowing this silent backup is in place can give you a bit more courage day to day.

• Learn your local support options (quietly): Knowledge is power, and sometimes just knowing where you could go or who you can call takes away some fear. Take 5 minutes to quietly explore the support organizations available near you. The WomanAid app has a section called “My Experts” (or under Safety Center) that lists verified hotlines, shelters, legal aid, and counseling services in your country/region. It will even show what languages they operate in and whether you can contact them by call, text, or chat. Maybe today you save one helpful hotline number in your phone under a code name, or you bookmark a live chat service. You don’t have to call or use it yet – just have it accessible. Knowing you have options can quietly build your confidence that when you’re ready, help will be there.

Steps to Take in the Coming Weeks

• Build your “safety net”: Over the next few weeks, try to expand your circle of support, bit by bit. This could mean confiding in another trusted friend or family member about what’s going on – or even just that you’re having a hard time and might need help soon. In the app, consider adding a couple more Trusted Contacts (you can have multiple per scenario) so you have a small team on your side. You might also use the app’s Loved Ones feature to share your general safety status or location with someone you trust (completely up to you and only with consent). The goal is to remind yourself you don’t have to carry this alone. Isolation feeds abuse; connection weakens it.

• Practice using your safety tools: It might sound strange, but practice can reduce panic if you ever face a real crisis. If you’ve set up the app, take some time when your partner is away to familiarize yourself with it. For instance, do a quick SOS practice run (the app has a built-in training mode that won’t alert anyone). Practice entering your cancel passcode, see what the countdown looks like, so it’s not scary if you ever need it for real. Also practice a quick exit: for example, using the app’s Interactive Mode, which switches the interface to a neutral look (so it just looks like a benign app or game). In Interactive Mode, you can long-press a hidden spot to trigger SOS silently. Knowing how to swiftly and quietly call for help can give you a sense of control. Similarly, rehearse dialing a hotline or stepping out of the house for a “walk” if you need space – whatever actions might be part of your safety plan. Think of it like a fire drill for your well-being.

• Make a safety escape plan: While you hope you won’t need it, have a rough plan for how you’d leave if an emergency happens or if you decide you must exit the relationship quickly. This might include setting aside a small emergency bag (with essentials like IDs, some cash, a change of clothes, any important documents or medications). Keep it hidden or maybe leave it with someone you trust. Know the location of the nearest shelter or safe friend’s house, and figure out transportation (a hidden car key, a taxi app, etc.). You can also use the WomanAid app’s Protection Center which offers step-by-step safety plan guidance for dangerous situations like preparing to leave an abusive partner. It might have a checklist or tips tailored to domestic violence scenarios (e.g., a Domestic Violence Recovery Plan). Having a concrete plan can reduce the “unknowns” that fuel your fear. It’s okay if you’re not ready to execute the plan yet – just knowing you have one can be empowering.

• Reach out for professional support: Consider contacting a counselor or support group specializing in domestic abuse. This can be done anonymously at first. Many crisis centers offer free counseling or support meetings. If the idea of walking into the crisis center still feels daunting, start smaller: maybe call their hotline or join an online survivors’ forum. The WomanAid app’s resources list will show you available legal, psychological, and social assistance hotlines for your situation. Talking to a professional or even reading others’ stories online can validate your feelings and give you practical coping tips. Over time, this can build the courage to perhaps meet with an advocate or therapist in person. Remember, reaching out for help is a process, not a one-time event. Every time you open up to someone or ask for advice, you’re chipping away at the power fear holds over you.

• Set personal boundaries and goals: As you gain clarity, start imagining what you want your life to look like free from abuse. You don’t have to act on it all immediately, but set small goals. For example, “I will not respond to texts that are just picking a fight,” or “I will spend one afternoon a week with someone supportive to rebuild my confidence.” Use the app’s Well-being exercises in Interactive Mode to help with anxiety or self-confidence – these are brief, guided breathing or mindfulness sessions you can do quietly to build inner strength. Each little act of reclaiming your time, your privacy, or your peace of mind is progress. Over weeks, these add up, and you may find the idea of walking into that crisis center becoming less scary. You’ll know in your gut when you’re ready – and whenever that day comes, your prep work and support network will be there to back you up.

Empowerment: You Are Stronger Than You Know

Take a moment to acknowledge how far you’ve come – even just reading this. Courage isn’t loud or dramatic. Sometimes, courage is a quiet whisper inside you that says “I deserve better” even when you’re terrified. The fact that you’re still here, still trying to find a way forward, speaks to an incredible strength within you. That part of you – the survivor in you – is still there, even if she’s been buried by fear and doubt. You are not defined by what was done to you. You are defined by your resilience, your empathy, and your capacity for hope.

Even if you walked away from the crisis center today, it doesn’t mean you won’t walk in tomorrow, or call a hotline next week, or open up to a friend next month. Healing is not linear. It’s okay to take it one step at a time. Each day you survive in a toxic situation is a day you are quietly fighting for yourself, building the courage to break free.

Before you go, let’s try something together. When panic or numbness hits, a quick grounding exercise can help bring you back to now and remind you that you’re real, and this moment is real. It can even reduce the adrenaline coursing through you so you can think clearer.

30-Second Grounding Practice to Regain Calm

Find a safe, quiet spot (even a bathroom or closet works). Breathe in slowly through your nose, counting 1…2…3…4. Hold that breath for a second, then exhale slowly (like you’re sighing) for 1…2…3…4…5…6. Feel your feet on the floor as you do this. Now gently look around and name (in your head or whisper) 3 things you see. For example: “I see the blue towel, I see my hand on the doorknob, I see light coming from the window.” Next, listen for 2 things you can hear: “I hear the fan buzzing, I hear my own breathing.” Finally, place your hand over your heart – feel it beating. Name 1 thing you feel physically: “I feel the cool air on my skin,” or “I feel the floor solid under me.” Take one more slow breath. This is your reminder that in this moment, you are alive and safe. You are in control of your next move, no matter how small it is. Whenever the fear storms start to whirl, come back to this practice. Your breath is your anchor; it’s always with you.

You’ve got this. The road to freedom from an abusive situation is challenging, but every step – even stepping away from a door in fear – is part of your journey. Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate the little victories, like making a journal entry or talking for 5 minutes on a support line. Those are huge wins. And on the days you feel yourself slipping back into doubt, remember that healing isn’t a straight line. Sometimes it’s two steps forward, one step back – what matters is that you keep stepping.

You are worthy of safety, love, and respect. Nothing that happened to you changes that. When you’re ready, the help will be there – whether it’s the crisis center, a friend, a hotline, or the WomanAid app in your pocket giving you that discreet lifeline. Take your time, protect yourself, and know that thousands of women who once felt “I found a crisis center but got scared to go” are now living free, joyful lives. Hope is stronger than fear, every single time. You are not alone, and you will find your way. 💜

(If this article spoke to you, consider saving it or sharing it with someone who might need it. Maybe even take a moment now to open your WomanAid app and configure just one safety feature – like adding that trusted contact or exploring the Safe Relationship scenario. That single action, however small, is a vote for your future self.)