I Talked to His Parents Hoping They’d Influence Him

A Desperate Plea for Help

I still remember the knot in my stomach as I sat at his mother’s kitchen table. My voice trembled while I described how her son’s anger had been spiraling – the shouting, the smashed phone, the way I was afraid to even speak up. I hoped she of all people could help me reach him. But his mother just sighed and waved her hand as if brushing away trivial gossip. “He’s just like that, dear. You know how he is – don’t provoke him,” she said softly, pouring tea. Her words hit me like a slap. I had come seeking protection and support; instead I felt blamed and dismissed.

Leaving her house, I felt a chill of isolation. I thought, maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. If even his own mother wouldn’t take me seriously, who would? On the drive home, her voice replayed in my head – don’t provoke him… he’s just like that… I began second-guessing every recent incident. Was I really overreacting? I tightened my grip on the steering wheel, fighting back tears, and a haunting question echoed in my mind: If this is “just how he is,” why do I feel so scared and alone?

(That question lingered, quietly opening a door I’d long kept shut – a door to the truth.)

Awareness: Recognizing Emotional Abuse & Invalidation

If this story feels familiar, you are not alone. Many women in abusive relationships reach out for help only to be met with responses that minimize or normalize the abuse. A loved one might shrug it off with, “Oh, he’s just like that. He’ll calm down, don’t upset him,” as if his behavior is inevitable or your fault. These dismissive responses are sadly common but they are NOT okay. When family members or friends say things like “just don’t provoke him”, it invalidates your experience and enables his abuse. It can make you feel like you’re exaggerating or to blame – when in reality, abuse is never the victim’s fault.

Common Red Flags of Emotional Abuse

• Walking on eggshells: You constantly watch what you say or do to avoid upsetting him, living in fear of the next outburst.

• Blamed for his anger: He (or his family) tells you that you “pushed his buttons” or provoked his rage, as if his violence is something you caused.

• “Too sensitive” or “crazy”: When you express hurt or fear, he dismisses it – calls you overly sensitive, crazy, or says it’s “no big deal,” making you doubt your sanity.

• Nothing you do is right: You feel confused, scared, and never “good enough.” No matter how hard you try, it’s as if every little thing could be wrong.

• Others minimize what’s happening: People close to him downplay his behavior (“He’s just moody”), leaving you isolated and doubting the seriousness of your own pain.

If you recognize these red flags, you are likely experiencing emotional abuse. Emotional abuse often doesn’t leave visible bruises, so outsiders might not understand – but its wounds are very real. You might find yourself constantly anxious, with a pit in your stomach, worrying about the “next time.” You might feel guilty, ashamed, or even grieve the relationship you wish you had. These reactions are normal for someone surviving abuse. In fact, feeling like “something is off,” or like nothing you do will ever be right, is a strong sign that what you’re enduring is abuse, not a “normal” relationship problem.

Let’s be very clear: Your confusion and hurt are valid. Abusers and their enablers often twist things around to make you think you’re the problem. They may say you’re “overreacting” or that you need to “try harder to keep the peace.” This is gaslighting and invalidation, a tactic to keep you doubting yourself. It’s not in your head – what’s happening to you is real, and it’s wrong.

Coming to terms with this truth can be painful, but it’s also empowering. You’re beginning to see that no matter what his parents or anyone else says, you do not have to accept abusive behavior. You deserve to feel safe and respected. It’s okay to feel angry, hurt, or betrayed that those you turned to didn’t protect you. Take those feelings as confirmation that something is indeed very wrong with how you’re being treated. Now that we’ve named it, let’s focus on what you can do to protect yourself.

Focused Plan: Steps for Your Safety

It’s time to prioritize your safety and well-being. You cannot change his behavior or control how his family reacts, but you can take concrete steps to keep yourself safer. Below is a focused safety plan, broken into two parts: actions you can start today, and steps to take in the near future. Remember, even small steps matter – take these at your own pace, as you feel ready.

For Today (Immediate Actions)

• Start a private diary (or digital journal). Begin noting what is happening and how you feel each day – securely and for your eyes only. This can be a password-protected note on your phone or an email account only you can access. Writing things down not only creates a record (in case you ever need evidence), but also helps clear your mind. Include dates, incidents, threats, and how they made you feel. Keeping a secret log validates that “No, you’re not imagining it” and can remind you later why you deserve better.

• Reach out to one trusted person. Identify one friend or family member (not connected to your abuser) whom you can safely talk to. It might feel daunting, especially after being dismissed by his mother, but confiding in someone supportive can lessen the isolation and guilt. You don’t have to spill every detail at once – even saying, “I’m going through something rough, I might need help,” to a trusted friend is a start. If speaking feels too risky, consider using a code word or phrase that you can text or call that person if you ever need immediate help (for example, agreeing that if you text “I met the neighbor’s dog,” it means “call me to check in”). Adding just one ally to your support network today can make a huge difference in your safety.

• Download the WomanAid app (if it’s safe to do so). This smartphone app is designed for situations like yours. It has a special mode for unsafe relationships that can help you silently call for help if you need it. If you fear he monitors your phone, try to download it when you’re alone (or on a friend’s device). Set up a secure PIN code that only you know. Simply having this app ready on your phone can give you a bit more peace of mind – you’ll know that if things get dangerous, you have a discreet way to reach out without having to call 911 outright. (We’ll go into exactly how this works in the next section.)

For the Near Future (Next Steps)

• Set up the “Safe Relationship” scenario in the WomanAid app (for home use). Once the app is installed, configure the Safe Relationship safety scenario and link it to your Home geozone (your home address). This scenario is specifically designed for domestic abuse situations. It ensures that if you trigger an SOS while at home, the app will respond silently (no siren). That means no loud alarms to tip him off – instead, your phone will quietly record what’s happening and send an alert to your trusted contacts, sharing your location and even audio evidence in real time. You’ll have a way to call for help that won’t provoke him. Take a moment to add at least one Trusted Contact in this scenario (perhaps the friend you confided in). Configure what data to share – at minimum, allow the app to send your location and the automatic audio clip if you trigger SOS. (By default, the app can capture a short 15-second audio of the incident and send it to your contacts, then continue recording longer evidence securely for you.) Also, consider enabling the option for your trusted contact to call emergency services on your behalf if you activate SOS – the app will guide them on what to do. Spend some time exploring the app’s “Interactive Mode” (which disguises the app with a neutral interface) and practice how to quickly press the SOS button if needed. There is even a training mode so you can do a test run without actually alerting anyone, just to build confidence. Knowing exactly how to use these safety tools in the moment can be empowering.

• Connect with a domestic violence hotline or support service. As soon as you feel ready, reach out to a professional who understands what you’re going through. You can call, text, or chat with a confidential domestic violence hotline – many are available 24/7. These experts can offer personalized safety tips, help you process what’s happening, and connect you with local resources (like support groups, counselors, or legal aid). The WomanAid app can assist with this too: in the Safe Relationship scenario’s “My Safety” or “Experts” section, you’ll find a list of official hotlines and organizations in your country that specialize in helping people in abusive relationships. You can find these contacts in-app and call them directly. For example, you might see the number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline, a local women’s shelter, or a crisis text line. Use these resources – you deserve help from people who won’t say “just ignore it.” Even a brief conversation with a hotline advocate can remind you that you’re not crazy, and you don’t have to handle this alone. They can also help you strategize the safest ways to get out or get support, given your unique situation.

• Prepare an emergency exit plan (a “go bag” and important documents). Take practical steps to be ready in case you need to leave quickly. This is not admitting defeat – it’s ensuring you have options. Secretly gather copies of your most important documents: your ID or passport, driver’s license, bank cards, any marriage or birth certificates, insurance papers, etc. If you have children, include their documents and a few small comforts for them. Stash some emergency cash if you can (even a small amount hidden away). Pack a discreet “go bag” with essentials: a change of clothes, basic toiletries, any needed medications, a spare set of keys, and a list of emergency phone numbers (in case you can’t access your phone). Store this bag somewhere safe and easily accessible – for example, leave it with a trusted friend, or hide it in a place he won’t look (like in your office, or even the trunk of your car). Also, plan where you would go if you had to leave in a hurry. Could you drive to a friend’s house? A relative out of town? Is there a domestic violence shelter nearby? (Hotline advocates can help identify shelters and even help you arrange emergency housing.) Having this plan doesn’t mean you must use it right now, but knowing it’s there will give you a measure of control and security. It’s like an insurance policy – you hope you won’t need it, but it’s there if you do.

• Build your support network further. Over the next days and weeks, try to expand the circle of support around you. This could mean adding another Trusted Contact in the app (maybe a sibling or a coworker you trust) so that multiple people will be alerted if you send an SOS. It could also mean discreetly talking to your doctor or therapist about what’s happening, or joining an online forum (anonymously) for survivors of abuse, so you can vent and get advice without judgment. The key is to not remain isolated. Abusers often try to isolate their partners, and as you saw, even his family might isolate you further by denying the abuse. So, counteract that by reaching out in safe ways. For example, if there’s a neighbor you know well, you might let them know (in a subtle way) that if they ever hear something worrying from your house, you’d appreciate them checking in or calling for help. Or if you work, inform a trusted colleague or HR that you have some domestic stress – some workplaces have protocols to support employees in abusive situations (like security walking you out if needed, or screening calls). You don’t have to announce anything broadly; just find those key people who can be in your corner. Over time, this network will be your lifeline. And remember, the WomanAid app’s Safe Relationship plan is interactive – it will continue to give you suggestions and even expert contacts under the “My Safety” section, from crisis centers to legal aid, so you can keep strengthening your safety net.

Every step you take – no matter how small – is you taking back power. Just reading this and formulating a plan means you’re moving from feeling helpless to having options and support. Keep this plan somewhere secure (perhaps memorized, or in that password-protected note). And update it as needed – safety planning is an ongoing process. As your situation changes, you can adjust these steps. You are in control of this plan, and there’s no right or wrong timeline. Whether you choose to stay for now or prepare to leave, these actions will help protect you and remind you that you have agency.

Empowerment: Finding Strength & Support

I want to remind you, from the bottom of my heart: You are not alone, and this is not your fault. It took immense courage to seek help – whether it was talking to his parents, confiding in a friend, or even reading this article. The lack of support you got before is a reflection of them, not you. You deserved a caring response. It’s completely understandable that you felt isolated and doubted yourself after being dismissed. But look at what you’re doing now – you’re arming yourself with knowledge and a plan. That is a testament to your strength, even if you don’t feel strong.

Take a moment and acknowledge how far you’ve come just in your understanding. Realizing that “it’s not just me, this is abuse” is a powerful breakthrough. It’s normal to still feel love or concern for your partner or his family – emotions are complicated. You might feel guilt for planning for your safety or fear of the unknown changes ahead. Again, these feelings are normal. Making changes, even positive ones, is hard. But remember: you have survived every bad day so far, and you have the right to a life without fear.

Even small acts of self-care and self-compassion are important right now. When the anxiety swirls or you start to hear his mother’s dismissive words in your head, try a simple calming practice to ground yourself. For example, take a slow, deep breath right now. Inhale for a count of 4, feeling your lungs fill with air… hold for a count of 4… then exhale for 4, imagining the stress leaving your body with that breath. Repeat this a few times. As you breathe, unclench your jaw and let your shoulders drop. Feel your feet on the floor or your back against the chair. Remind yourself: in this moment, you are safe. Another quick technique if you’re panicking is the 3-3-3 method: look around and name 3 things you can see, then 3 sounds you can hear, then 3 things you can touch (like the texture of your shirt or the feel of your phone). This helps pull you out of the spiral of fear and back into the present. You can do these calming exercises anytime – in the bathroom after an argument, in your car, or lying in bed at night – to steady yourself.

Also, try to be gentle with your inner voice. The way you speak to yourself matters. Abuse often drowns out our self-worth with constant criticism and doubt. It’s time to slowly rebuild that self-worth from within. One way is by practicing affirmations of self-support. It might feel awkward at first, but try repeating a few of these statements to yourself (out loud when you’re alone, or silently in your head when you need it). These are truths you deserve to internalize:

• I am not to blame for his actions. I did nothing to “provoke” this. It’s not my fault.

• I deserve to feel safe, loved, and respected in a relationship – just as much as anyone else.

• I am not alone. There are people who care about me and want to help. I will not give up on myself.

Say these often, especially when guilt or doubt creeps in. Write them on a note in your wallet or set them as a daily reminder on your phone. Over time, affirmations can start to replace the negative tape that abuse has left in your mind.

Finally, know that there is hope and there is help. Thousands of women have stood where you are – feeling trapped, unheard, and afraid – and have made it to the other side, into safety and peace. You mentioned in your story that haunting question: “If even his family won’t help, who will?” The answer is: a whole community of people are ready to help – domestic violence advocates, counselors, support groups, friends you haven’t even met yet, and tools like the WomanAid app. We believe you and we want you to be safe. The road ahead might seem daunting, but you are already paving the way to a better future with every step you take.

Every single effort you make – from reading this article, to whispering a truth to a friend, to packing a small bag of essentials – is progress. Give yourself credit for that. You are breaking the silence and taking back control of your life story. And you are so much stronger than the voice in your head that doubt placed there. On the days that strength feels hard to find, lean on these words, lean on your safety plan, and lean on those who support you.

Above all, please remember: You are worthy of safety and love. You do not have to walk on eggshells forever. You are not alone, and you are not powerless. With knowledge, support, and a plan in place, the balance shifts – you gain power, and the fear loses it. Keep going. One day – one step – at a time, you are moving toward a life where “he’s just like that” is no longer an excuse you have to swallow, but a red flag you left behind. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Stay safe and take care of yourself. You are not alone on this journey. We’re standing with you, every step of the way.

Emergency Help: If you are in immediate danger or fear for your safety right now, don’t wait – reach out for help right away. Call the emergency services number in your area (such as 911, 112, or your local police). If you can’t safely call, try to get somewhere public or signal a neighbor. Your safety comes first – you deserve immediate help.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational and support purposes and is not a substitute for professional legal, medical, or psychological advice. Every situation is unique. Consider consulting trained professionals (lawyers, doctors, counselors) for specific guidance.

Get Support: You don’t have to navigate this alone. Consider downloading the WomanAid Safety app and exploring the Safe Relationship scenario we discussed. In the app’s “My Safety” section of that scenario, you will find official hotlines and support contacts for domestic violence in your country. These are trusted resources – reaching out to them can connect you with experienced counselors, shelters, and legal advisors. Remember, help is available and you deserve to access it. Stay safe, and know that there is a whole network of people ready to support you in building the life you want.